Thursday, December 8, 2011
matching jackets
"I got mine from a Dumpster. He got his from the Gap."
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Moved to tears
"She just, like, sits at home eating Pop Tarts crying about how beautiful Selena Gomez is."
Monday, October 17, 2011
Don't Worry, Be Happy
"Dog, Dog!!! You don't gotta worry about that. They can figure that out for themselves."
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
One random conversation.
First woman: "And I told her, you can't really draw conclusions from a hedgehog."
Second woman: "Didn't Harry Potter have a hedgehog?"
Third woman: "No, that was Hedwig, his owl."
Fourth woman: "What is a hedgehog, anyway?"
Second woman: "Didn't Harry Potter have a hedgehog?"
Third woman: "No, that was Hedwig, his owl."
Fourth woman: "What is a hedgehog, anyway?"
campus hallway drama
Student on phone: I'm in class! I can't deal with your shit right now. BYE.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Imagine two guys and a girl.
If pressed to guess what state they were from, you might guess a plains state.
Guy 1: Don't be climbin' in our windows.
Guy 2: Snatchin' your girlfriend up?
Guy 1: Don't be climbin' in our windows.
Guy 2: Snatchin' your girlfriend up?
Monday, October 3, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Imagine a young woman around 16 years old
"I know my dad. And he'll say a lot of things. But I know he wouldn't say he want a DNA test when I look just LIKE his butt."
Friday, September 30, 2011
geekliest mama put-down evah!
"The annihilation of your face is very important to me. As is the annihilation of your mom."
Half of a phone call
"The dog ate my homework..."
"Yes, I respect you..."
"Great lies of our time."
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Semester in Detroit recruitment table
Staff: If you're gonna take chips, you've got to take a flyer.
Student: But I just want chips!
Student: But I just want chips!
Friday, September 9, 2011
fired from McDonald's
I use paper plates at home. If I don't do dishes at home, what makes you think I'm gonna do dishes for y'all?
Sunday, August 28, 2011
City bus philosopher
"A man-child's gotta learn to respect the woman; he's gonna behave the way he's brought up! See, there's a certain way to raise a man-child!... I don't know how to raise no female-child."
the party boat launches
party boater 1: WHOO! Let's get naked! Take it off!
party boater 2: Not yet!
party boater 1: Not yet?!?
party boater 2: Not yet!
party boater 1: Not yet?!?
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Love the one you're with
Well, my girlfriend's in jail, but there's this other girl...
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Super Sized
Girl one: You're done already?
Girl two: I threw it away. I only wanted a little bit.
Girl one: What size did you get?
Girl two: Medium.
Girl one: Why didn't you get a small?
Girl two: Cause I always think that a small is going to be, like, ridiculously small.
Girl one: Like a Canadian small.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
at Redbox, discussing a Green Lantern DVD
Know-it-all son: "Duh, mom, it's obviously a cartoon. Look at the cover, it doesn't even have Brian [sic] Reynolds on it!"
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Bitchy mom to bored kids
The kids had wandered over to a lottery ticket vending machine while mom paid for groceries. It had clearly been a long day. Mom: "Get back over here! It's against the law to even touch one of those if you're under eighteen!"
Friday, July 15, 2011
e-mail like it's 1999
Computer voice: You've got mail!
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
proper office attire
office worker 1: It's cleaning day.
office worker 2: I kinda forgot about that.
office worker 1: But your dress looks fabulous! We need a 360.
office worker 2: I kinda forgot about that.
office worker 1: But your dress looks fabulous! We need a 360.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
kids at the beach
"Come back! You know I can't go that far out! Plus, there might be sinkholes out there that don't stop! Like, you step in 'em and THEY. DON'T. STOP."
Friday, July 8, 2011
mystery meat
I'm like Ball Park Franks. You don't know what's in them.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Happy birthday, indeed
She: I might go to BeerFest on my birthday, but I don't know... It's like thirty-five bucks.
He: Yeah, it's expensive. But you get a LOT of beer.
He: Yeah, it's expensive. But you get a LOT of beer.
Monday, July 4, 2011
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