Biggest Loser

A: I'm gonna lose weight.

B: Oh, I can lose weight faster than you.

A: Yeah?

B: Yeah, you give me one week I can lose 30 pounds.

A: ...How?

morning meeting fuel

"It's never too early for chocolate chip cookies!"

fired from McDonald's

I use paper plates at home. If I don't do dishes at home, what makes you think I'm gonna do dishes for y'all?

e-mail like it's 1999

Computer voice: You've got mail!

proper office attire

office worker 1: It's cleaning day.
office worker 2: I kinda forgot about that.
office worker 1: But your dress looks fabulous! We need a 360.