early morning on campus

"So I just kept drinking."

riveting performance

Mom to young theater goer: "Well, before you fell asleep, did you like it?"

don't we all?

"I want an iPhone that does my laundry."

Blimpie Burger Virgin

She: I want one patty on a kaiser roll.
He: No you don't.

precious family moments

"I don't know who you think you are. You ain't nothin' but a little baby."

self awareness is a good thing.

"My whole face is a hot mess right now."

sage advice

college student 1: You gotta go with the flow.
college student 2: I can't go with the flow!
college student 1: You have to learn to go with the flow or you'll fail.