don't we all?

"I want an iPhone that does my laundry."

Blimpie Burger Virgin

She: I want one patty on a kaiser roll.
He: No you don't.

precious family moments

"I don't know who you think you are. You ain't nothin' but a little baby."

self awareness is a good thing.

"My whole face is a hot mess right now."

sage advice

college student 1: You gotta go with the flow.
college student 2: I can't go with the flow!
college student 1: You have to learn to go with the flow or you'll fail.

didn't expect that answer

As two little kids play with a baby:
Kid 1: Why did you kiss her butt?
Kid 2: Because she smells so delicious!

you're doing it wrong

Drunk guy shouting on the street: I'm trying to be your friend! You won't let me.