precious family moments

"I don't know who you think you are. You ain't nothin' but a little baby."

self awareness is a good thing.

"My whole face is a hot mess right now."

sage advice

college student 1: You gotta go with the flow.
college student 2: I can't go with the flow!
college student 1: You have to learn to go with the flow or you'll fail.

didn't expect that answer

As two little kids play with a baby:
Kid 1: Why did you kiss her butt?
Kid 2: Because she smells so delicious!

you're doing it wrong

Drunk guy shouting on the street: I'm trying to be your friend! You won't let me.

A Surprise Party?

Scene: Man and woman with their car parked in the middle of the street. They switch sides of the car. With much anger, she says, "Why are you hiding your phone?!?"

campsite warriors

As sticks clash:
Boy 1: We're samurais!   Boy 2: We're ninjas!

Boy 1: You're in samurai stance.
Boy 2: But I'm using ninja moves on you.