she was a young American

10K? What's that?

"I was going to return my costume. But my boyfriend spilled beer on me like six times during the course of the night, so I couldn't return it."

jet propulsion?

"I learned how to fart while I was swimming, but it didn't make me go faster."

required reading?

Student 1: It reads like a radio program.
Student 2: It reads like a Nazi's wet dream!

matching jackets

"I got mine from a Dumpster. He got his from the Gap."

No, Mr. double latte. No, you don't...

"Do I look like I'm holding??"

best(?) response ever

Angry yeller 1: "Go fuck yourself!"
Angry yeller 2: "I WILL!"