Sunday, November 18, 2012

riveting performance

Mom to young theater goer: "Well, before you fell asleep, did you like it?"

Monday, October 15, 2012

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

sage advice

college student 1: You gotta go with the flow.
college student 2: I can't go with the flow!
college student 1: You have to learn to go with the flow or you'll fail.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

didn't expect that answer

As two little kids play with a baby:
Kid 1: Why did you kiss her butt?
Kid 2: Because she smells so delicious!

Monday, September 17, 2012

Monday, September 10, 2012

A Surprise Party?


Scene: Man and woman with their car parked in the middle of the street. They switch sides of the car. With much anger, she says, "Why are you hiding your phone?!?"

Sunday, September 2, 2012

campsite warriors

As sticks clash:
Boy 1: We're samurais!   Boy 2: We're ninjas!

Boy 1: You're in samurai stance.
Boy 2: But I'm using ninja moves on you.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

art fair expert

Man gesturing at 100+ artist booths: All down there is more art. But the good art is...

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

waiting in line on a 100 degree day

Guy returning to line from his car: " There wasn't much water so I thought I should bring some of these [wine coolers]."

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Sunday, April 8, 2012

"These? These are just buckets. Because buckets are useful."

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

a good question

I wonder if a smooth jazz guy has ever been on hold and heard himself.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

"I was going to return my costume. But my boyfriend spilled beer on me like six times during the course of the night, so I couldn't return it."

Thursday, March 15, 2012

jet propulsion?

"I learned how to fart while I was swimming, but it didn't make me go faster."

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

required reading?

Student 1: It reads like a radio program.
Student 2: It reads like a Nazi's wet dream!